Parenting Ranger Style
by Red Witch
Summary: Being a parent is never easy. Being a Galaxy Ranger parent and having your kids end up on insane adventures is practically impossible as Zach learns the hard way.


**The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters is in a magazine somewhere. Just another mad fic coming out of my mad little mind. **

**Parenting Ranger Style**

"I am the worst father who ever lived," Zach groaned as he put his head into his hands.

"Captain Foxx please don't say that," Buzzwang twittered. "I'm sure there are a lot of other fathers out there who are far worse parental units than you are."

"Way to make him feel better Buzz," Niko rolled her eyes.

"It's bad enough I let their mother get captured and I got my own son expelled from school," Zach moaned. "But I also let them run around on dangerous missions! What kind of parent does that?"

"There, there Captain Foxx," Buzzwang patted him on the back. "To be fair, your children were on many dangerous missions even before you got Little Zach expelled."

"Thanks a **lot **Buzzwang!" Zach gave him a look.

"You see there was that time with Lazarus Slade and the giant ants on Bistee Fenokee," Buzzwang counted off. "The time Slade made that copy machine of me, oh and the time he invaded BETA…You know maybe it isn't just you? Slade seems to have a lot to do with it too."

"Thanks Buzzwang! I get the **picture!**" Zach snapped.

"Of course he had nothing to do with the whole Mothmoose adventure when your son stowed away to Tortuna," Buzzwang went on. "Or when Jessica's school got invaded by those toy robots. Or that whole science fair when…"

"Buzzwang if you keep **helping** me I'll help you into the nearest **air lock** the next time we go on patrol!" Zach shouted at him.

"Easy Zach it's not your fault," Niko told him.

"Of course it's my fault! I'm the one who let them go to Longshot in the first place!" Zach snapped. "And I'm the one who made Goose and Doc take them there!"

"You had no way of knowing it was going to happen," Niko said.

"Of course I did! Because every time I let my kids do anything something happens! Especially when **those two** are involved!" Zach snapped.

"What's going on?" Commander Walsh walked into the room. "Where are Rangers Gooseman and Hartford?"

"I'm afraid to ask," Zach groaned.

"Zach your kids will be fine," Niko told him. She turned to Commander Walsh. "We had a little incident."

**"Another** one?" Walsh raised an eyebrow. "What happened **this time?"**

"It all started when Jessica had to do a report for school about biological anomalies in the animal kingdom," Buzzwang said.

"And like an idiot I decided it might not be a bad idea if Little Zach work on a report of his own with her," Zach groaned. "I even thought it was a good idea for them to go to Longshot for their studies! And of course I was busy on patrol so I asked Doc and Goose to go with them yesterday on their afternoon off! What the hell was I **thinking?**"

"You were thinking the idea was sound," Buzzwang sounded confused. "I mean working with Bogart was a great scientific opportunity for the kids."

"Bogart is a Tortunan Gleck Lizard," Zach snapped. "Not just any Gleck Lizard, a Gleck Lizard that has been genetically modified by a being from another universe!"

"Isn't Bogart that overgrown alligator that was infused with neumonic energy from that being from the Neumonic Universe?" Commander Walsh did a double take.

"The very same," Zach sighed.

"It's not like he eats people anymore," Niko said. "The captain's kids were perfectly safe."

"Yes safe until Lazarus Slade decided to take a trip to Longshot and kidnap Bogart to steal his neumonic energy!" Zach snapped. "And of course my kids ended up tagging along with Doc and Goose to go after them!"

"The security at Longshot does seem to be rather lax lately," Buzzwang thought. "Ranger Foxx if you are so concerned why did you not go after them?"

"I just found out about this now!" Zach snapped. "I just got back from a mission! Remember?"

"Oh right," Buzzwang thought. The nearest computer on the wall beeped. "Good news Captain Foxx, your children have arrived!"

"Finally!" Zach ran to the hanger and was stunned at what he saw. "You have got to be kidding me!"

"Hi Dad," Jessica waved. She was riding on Bogart's back. Bogart was wearing a giant black cowboy hat. The others were walking behind them.

"Hello!" Bogart waved.

"So did you have a nice adventure?" Zach asked sarcastically.

"It was all right," Shane grinned. He was wearing his casual black cowboy outfit.

"I want to know the whole story, right here and now!" Zach snapped.

"Well uh when Slade grabbed Bogart he kind of got us as well," Zach Jr. admitted.

"It's not like we **asked** to get kidnapped," Jessica said. "But we managed to escape! I fooled around with the controls to the cage and then Bogart used his strength to bust us out."

"Gooseman and I managed to sneak on board Slade's ship before it left Earth," Doc explained. "Let's just say Slade had his hands full so he decided to jump ship."

"Right in the middle of hyperspace," Zach Jr. groaned.

"With Slade gone I had to fly the ship," Shane said.

"Which explains the crash landing," Doc gave him a look.

"I figured that was going to happen sooner or later," Zach groaned.

"What do you mean by **that **crack?" Shane snapped.

"The same way he figures that water is wet and a stove can sometimes get hot," Walsh gave him a look. "Then what happened?"

"We ended up on Red Rock," Doc told him.

"Isn't that planet clear across the other side of the frontier?" Niko asked.

"And how," Doc nodded. "Didn't exactly have too many comforts of home."

"But that casino we went into was really nice," Jessica said. "It had a very nice bathroom."

"You brought my children into a **casino?**" Zach snapped.

"They were hungry and they needed to use the bathroom," Shane gave him a look. "I'm not the one who let them play blackjack."

"Only Jessica played blackjack," Doc said.

"Yeah I picked it up after a few pointers from Doc," Jessica nodded.

"You taught my little girl **blackjack?**" Zach yelled.

"She's a natural at it," Doc told him. "Just like Little Zach is an expert at poker."

"POKER? WHEN DID YOU LEARN HOW TO PLAY POKER?" Zach yelled.

"Buzzwang taught it to me a while ago," Zach Jr. said innocently.

"WHAT?" Zach turned around.

"Ranger Hartford suggested that it was a good way to instruct Little Zach in probabilities," Buzzwang said rather nervously.

"I should have known," Zach glared at Doc.

"This casino was kind of lenient on the underage gambling rule," Shane gulped.

"We kind of figured that out," Walsh gave him a look.

"Now Captain before you get upset there is a very good reason why I let your children play card games," Doc held up his hands.

"This I have got to hear," Niko folded her arms.

"We needed money and I left my wallet at home," Doc said.

"Why?" Zach's eye twitched.

"Let's just say Bogart had a big lunch," Shane gave the large lizard a look.

"An entire garden full of lunch," Zach Jr. gave Bogart a look. "Madame Xavier was not happy about it."

"And who is Madame Xavier?" Niko asked.

"She's a very nice elderly woman who was really quite understanding about our situation," Doc said. "She was taking in boarders to make ends meet but we felt bad about her garden so we decided to do the right thing and pay for it."

"Not to mention the local sheriff was dirty and taking money from the townsfolk left and right," Shane added. "So while we were there we decided to help them out."

"We had to wait for a ride anyway," Doc shrugged. "Why not take out a corrupt sheriff while waiting?"

"Madame Xavier was really nice," Zach Jr. said. "Some of her borders made us cookies. They were nice ladies too. Wore a lot of colorful dresses. And they were having some sort of party. Guys were coming in and out of the house all the time. And they were really happy."

"That's because it was a brothel you moron," Jessica rolled her eyes. "Those guys were customers!"

**"WHAT?"** Zach's yell could be heard throughout BETA Mountain.

"Doc is that why you spent several hours in that one room with the three women and all those feathers?" Zach Jr. did a double take.

"It was part of the plan!" Doc told him.

"Yeah right," Shane snorted.

"Oh really?" Niko folded her arms and looked at him.

"Hey don't look at me! I was with the kids and Bogart," Shane held up his hands in defense.

"Yeah we infiltrated the Sheriff's poker tournament," Zach Jr. said proudly. "I won!"

"Wonderful! It's every father's dream that his son becomes a champion poker player before he learns to drive a car!" Zach said sarcastically. "Could you please finish this with the short version of the story before I have a heart attack?"

"Long story short we proved the sheriff was a crook, Bogart sat on him before he could escape," Zach Jr. recounted.

"And the town elected Madame Xavier to be their new sheriff," Jessica said. "By a landslide."

"Never saw a town so happy to have a new sheriff in all my life," Doc chuckled. "Then we got picked up by Rangers Smith and Jenkins and that's it."

"Well there was that one stop we made at Space Station Twelve where Bogart kind of had a little accident in the food court," Zach Jr. glared at Bogart who scratched his head in an embarrassed way.

"So to recap," Zach let out a breath. "I send my children to work on an innocent school project and they ended up kidnapped by one of the galaxy's most wanted criminals, crash landed on a hostile planet, hung around with thugs and hookers, learned how to gamble successfully and had to tangle with a corrupt sheriff and an angry food court manager. THANKS A LOT YOU TWO!"

"It's not like we taught them how to use weapons," Shane said.

"One of the girls named Cinnamon taught me how to throw a knife," Jessica piped up.

"Not helping Jessica…" Doc said out of the corner of his mouth.

"Knife throwing of course!" Zach raised his hands. "Just the bit of education these children were missing! So what's your **next** lesson plan? How to survive a knife fight? The finer points of rum tasting? Shooting a bazooka 101? How to crash a ship and give your commanding officer a **heart attack?"**

"Captain **you're **the one who sent your kids off to a top secret military research base," Shane pointed out.

"We were just trying to keep them safe," Doc said.

"It is not as if instances like this have not happened before," Buzzwang pointed out.

"Weird stuff just happens to us," Zach Jr. shrugged.

"Yeah we're used to it by now," Jessica added.

"You know Captain Foxx if your wife ever gets out of stasis and finds out what you've been doing with the children she will not be a happy woman," Walsh quipped.

"If Eliza ever gets out of stasis I will need to go **into** stasis just to get away from her," Zach groaned.


End file.
